Wake Up To: Shaq v. LaVar, the Savior of Modern-Day Basketball

Swing at the king you best not miss, and as much as I don’t want to admit it, he didn’t. I could be wrong, but it seems like this kinda came out of left field as Var went after MJ and Sir Charles more than anyone else.

Surprisingly, Shaq has bars, with some all time HOF diss track lines like:


And when you’re watching Zo play, look up to the rafters. You see Magic Johnson, you see Jerry West, you see Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, damn he was the best. Keep looking man, I know you see this, number 34 next to Gail Goodrich. Big Daddy Kane, no half-steppin, I’m more like Will Smith, (why) I am Legend.”

  • Good point. Part of me wonders how many of Zo’s home games LaVar will be at before the Lakers pull a New York Knicks – Charles Oakley and ban his ass, but even still with how bad the team will undoubtedly be, I’m sure he’ll be looking up a lot reminiscing on the good ol’ days. On another topic, I have no idea who the fuck Big Daddy Kane is so hey Shaq, maybe if you choose to drop another track, get some more topical references cause I think there are a lot more words that will fit the “I am Legend” rhyme scheme pattern thing.

Wade and Shaq 2006 Cavs NBA Champion.png

Penny love me, Kobe hate me, D Wade ain’t tell me Pat Riley was gon’ trade me.

  • D Wade is great and all cause he’s from Chicago and he plays for the Bulls but at this point in time, I agree, fuck that dude. For one, it’s always bros over everything (which is counterintuitive if you know me cause I was fucking whipped forever). D Wade + Shaq were an OG dynamic duo and to fuck him over is cold as ice. Also, he’s eating legit a quarter of the Bulls salary cap… selfish motherfucker just let us suck in peace.


My name ain’t Shaq, I’m the black Michael Rapaport.

  • I really just put this in cause I love how he included Mike’s “… and Big Baller Brand t-shirts look uncomfortable as fuck” which is one of the most blunt personal takes of all time and is hilarious. Shaq’s definitely not as explosively angry funny as Rap, but if he joins Barstool, I’ll support the fuck out of him.

P.S. – Lavar, in this scenario, I’m pretty sure you’re not the big guy in the neon kicks sending his opponent to the next county with a (clearly illegal but who cares) shove in the post. He’s got 7″ and about 50 pounds of muscle on you, and that raggedy prison yard of a workout area you call your backyard isn’t going to change shit.

Until tomorrow.

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