Wake Up To: John Wall Cashing in BIG

4 years, $170 million… Guaranteed.

Well if you weren’t sure of it before, tonight it became abundantly clear that the Wiz are 110% all in on John Wall as the face of their franchise until he fucking dies. When you think about it, their last actually good star player barring old Jordan was Wes Unseld, who retired a Bullet in ’81. The Wizards for the majority of my lifetime have been a joke so I really don’t mind them finally taking some initiative in locking down the best thing to happen to them since becoming Gilbert Arenas graced the franchise with his presence from ’03-’10.

But seriously, and I’m not just saying this just cause I hate the prick, but John Wall is wayyyy more worthy of his $40+ million/year contract ($42.5M) compared than Steph Curry. Yeah I know he’s a 2x MVP and a 2x NBA Champ, but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s not even the most important player on the Warriors team. Night in, night out, it’s almost a guarantee JWally’s gonna take it to the rack and dish out double-digits. Until 2014, nobody outside of die-hard Bay fans knew Curry existed. In 2000 fucking 11 (2011, I know that wasn’t super clear) John Wall had a song written about him, or at least a dance move he’s apparently associated with. The song and the dance move are absolutely awful, I mean, they tried to rhyme “retarded” with “artist”… but at least people around the country knew who he was.


So from the bottom of my heart, good job Wizards, you finally paid someone money they deserved and didn’t fuck this up. Now all you’ve gotta do is get rid of that sorry ass thing you call a logo and bring back the gold jerseys from the early 2000’s. And I’m sorry, but please, take a look at the Western Conference… there’s not a chance you win a Championship when the second best player on your team is Bradley Bitchass Beal.

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