Wake Up To: Surprise! JJ Watt’s Tweets Still Suck.

I’m petty, I get it, and in all reality, maybe this tweet isn’t that bad, but for some reason, I really don’t like JJ Watt or Drake. In my mind, there’s a lot bugging me with this post:

1. JJ wears the tightest clothes on the planet. As a relatively big guy ( definitely not in a muscular sense) I hate when people choose to wear body-fitting clothing. This is because of a variety of things but what it really boils down to is that A. I cannot wear clothing of the sort without looking like a fat fuck and B. Contrary to popular belief, nobody needs, nor wants to see every crevice of your body. You’re 6’5″/295, believe it or not, you don’t fit into a Mens large anymore.

2. Drake is a fucking poser. Drizzy, just stop rapping about shit you haven’t lived and realize you’re a fucking liar and deceptive piece of shit. When were you ever on the bottom? You grew up in CANADA (sorrey!), grew up getting whatever you wanted, and then joined YMCMB when you were 20. In terms of the picture, I don’t know why he thinks he can pull of that African-looking shiny shirt. You’re light-skinned bro, you just look like a stupid kid that’s got a lot of money and thinks he’s hard.

3. JJ’s stupid hat. Maybe it’s all the brain trauma and surgeries he’s endured over the years, but I have no clue why he approved that god awful logo. Also, make the crown on that hat a little bigger. Go ahead, try. Oh, you can’t? We all get you play in heart of the South and you’re from Wisconsin, you don’t need to remind us every fucking life event, photo op, and/or interview.

4. Learn how to write fucking captions or pay someone who can. You made $10 MILLION playing in 3 games. If you can’t write captions, don’t fill everyone’s news feed with posts trying, just fucking pay someone actually clever to do it. Captioning “Houston.” provides me no insight into this picture, the event you attended, or what this interaction was like. You seem like the most boring person ever JJ. I know you’re now megafamous and you try to act all humble but you just met one of the top rappers in the world right now, show a little more enthusiasm.

You don’t have to be ‘on’ your shtick 24/7 JJ, hopefully Rog doesn’t have his head that far up your ass bro.

Until tomorrow.

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