Fuck. Well, sorta. On one side of things, this needed to happen. Lester is getting paid 3x what he should be, Arrieta is streaky as fuck, Lacky is (take your pick) old/sucks/overpaid x5, Prof is recovering form his annual injury, and who even knows who the 5th starter is anymore. On the other side, we traded arguably our best young bat, Eloy “The Natural” Jimenez, and arm, Dylan Cease, to the crosstown rival White Sox. And of course, I have some opinions on all this:
Here’s a Quintana highlight tape as nobody actually watches the Sox.
It could’ve been a lot worse: I’m not an MLB executive, but I’m pretty sure hoarding promising young talent in the minors only to trade them was never the end goal. If this was during the of the shitshow of a duo that was Hendry + Kennedy, which for the record sounds like a soft rock group from the late 90’s, the Cubs would’ve traded this kings ransom for some old trash like Ryan Zimmerman. Thankfully, it’s not.
Quintana’s contract isn’t complete shit: I don’t like to admit this, but the Cubs basically attracted free agents by outbidding the shit out of other teams. Quintana’s deal allows the Cubs to control him until 2020, while paying him single-digit millions/year. I realize he’s got a 5.something awful ERA, and yes, I ragged on him when he was with the Sox. But if you cross your eyes and quint at his stat line, he hasn’t been that bad. It’s hard to be good on a team as bad as the White Sox, so let’s give him a chance.
Quintana’s play can only get better: The Sox fucking suck. Their stadium sucks, their fans suck, their record sucks, and their clubhouse staff suck. What’s more, the NL doesn’t have the DH, and the Central Division is horrifically bad this season. There’s not a chance in hell he doesn’t improve with a little run support.
I don’t want to, but I now have to hate Eloy Jimenez: This hits home big time. Who doesn’t want to watch a guy who almost literally knocks the covers off of baseballs while also breaking lights in the process… nobody. But of course it’s just my luck that my hand/opinion is forced.
RIP to the hopes and dreams of all Cubs fans: “The Natural’s” Frank Thomas-looking DR derby homer smashed a fucking outfield flood light. I wouldn’t have been surprised if someone told me that thing was legit going to fly to fucking Cuba. Side note: I actually have no idea if the Dominican and Cuba are close, but it probably was on track for at least 600 feet. Needless to say, this kids’ got real potential outside of homers. You don’t get a nickname like “The Natural” if you don’t deserve it. Thank god we only play one series v. the Sox/year.
Of all the teams to be threatened by, the Cubs are officially scared of the fucking Brewers: Aside from Summeriest, beer, and Marquette basketball, Milwaukee is a god forsaken place that has never, and will never be a baseball city. Contrary to popular belief, their fans fucking suck, and their team isn’t good at all. Only 5.5 games on the Cubs with the way they’ve (the Cubs) been playing is absolutely pathetic, and it’s sad that Theo and Jed are worried. Have some faith in your fucking team and stick to what won you a World Series.
The Sox are officially in a Sixers-esque “Process” mode: It worked for the Red Sox and Cubs, so why the fuck not. I hate to admit it, but in 3-5 years, the Sox are going to be scary good. More importantly, they’ll be young as fuck. Big ups to Rick Hahn, but he’ll always be a wannabe Theo.
I guess the one completely agreeable takeaway from all this is that at least we didn’t trade our top prospect to the Cards. Yes, I’m that petty, fuck that team and city.
P.S. – Sox fans, Jimenez’s “The Natural” nickname doesn’t travel. It’s our thing. I would be more pissed about Cease, but he doesn’t even have a nickname or a light-smashing highlight tape so I don’t know how I could be mad.