Live Look: 11:30pm
Well I can’t say I’m surprised at pretty much anything that happened. The NL put up a good fight, then choked. Typical. A player I fucking despise played well (Yadi Molina). Typical. Cubs representatives play like shit. Typical. And of course, the AL wins. Typical.
I’m sick and tired of seeing the AL win this shit. I realize it doesn’t mean anything anymore, not that anyone really cared before, so there’s not really any reason I should be as pissed off as I am, but cmon, a 2-1 final in extras? This is why the game should be played in hitters parks like Coors Field in Colorado.
Shit that annoyed me:
Wade Fucking Davis Choking: Of course when I rant and rave about a player playing soooooo well, they fucking choke when the team needs them most. Four home runs over 210-something appearances in the last four years and he hooks a meatball over the plate for Robinson Fucking Canó, a guy who, based on the unsurprised reaction from the announcers, hits like .500 against him. I can’t be bothered to actually look up the stat because I’m so pissed off right now. This is just so typical Cubs ASG play, and it’s truly embarrassing to watch. I don’t know why I expected this year to be different, but it’s at least good to see he’s buying into the team mentality of being shit in the ASG.
Yadi: I have no right to be mad at his solo homer. Hell, I was cheering for the NL, and yet, I’m still pissed. For me, it comes down to the fact that the dude consistently shows up on the big stage while Cubs players sulk into the shadows and fuck everything up. That run could’ve come from literally anyone else and I would have been more than happy to cheer it on. It was a great piece of hitting, as home runs usually are, but I can’t cheer on a certified Cub-killer as he rounds the bases, not a fucking chance.
Craig Kimbrel’s throwing arm thing when he’s looking for the sign: I know I rip on them a lot, but God bless Phillies fans and the city of Philadelphia. Getting back to it, seriously what the fuck is that. Kimbrel isn’t a robot so I have no idea why he makes himself out to look like one whatever this weird excuse for a windup is. I also wasn’t super impressed with him as a whole. Really, my problem was that the announcer needed to shut the hell up about his “great control” (which I’ll get to later) as I’m pretty sure he ‘air mailed’ four pitches and only threw 12/25 of his pitches for strikes in his effort to retire the side in the 9th.
Those stupid ASG gold hats: Just a note, this wasn’t the style of the hats. But I feel like even that would’ve been better than what the committee came up with. I also know they always do this, but I still think it looks dumb. The players are already wearing their actual jerseys, why do you have to change up the hat? Just put a shiny patch on the hat too like is done for the jersey. I swear the MLB is filled with fucking raccoons who are just overly obsessed with shiny and colorful things.
Those stupid leg sleeves/sock things?: I’m now starting to notice a pattern, and I’m also starting to worry that I’m prematurely becoming a grouchy old man. I’m not exactly sure what that was or why the MLB made players wear them, but again, it looks over the top and stupid. We get it, the All Star festivities are in Miami this year, you don’t need to make orange and blue custom jerseys, custom socks, and custom hats, that’s a bit overboard.
The announcers saying every single pitcher has great control: Tell me something not completely apparent that a 5th grader who knows the basics of baseball and statistics couldn’t tell me by basic observation. NO FUCKING SHIT these guys have good control, they didn’t make the ASG because of their hairstyles or nicknames (e.g. Ricky Vaughn — “wild thing”, I just needed some sort of segway to include this clip). I’m also pretty sure an announcer dropped a line of knowledge that went something like, “closers typically throw hard” or something like that. Again, what else do you expect? These guys are tasked with ending games in high-pressure situations, therefore, they must throw hard, or it’ll get fucking clobbered. That’s simple baseball jackass.
Every young players’ backstory: I don’t know if I can be mad at this cause they’re really just doing their job, but nobody fucking cares where someone like Michael Conforto went to college or how well they did in high school. Trust me, we already know, these guys are in the MLB. Not only that, they’re in the ASG, so obviously they did something right along the way. Also, fuck the Mets, especially that motherfucker Daniel Murphy (yes, I realize he’s on the Nats now).
Giddy Losers: Nobody ever really gave a shit about the ASG, especially now as it literally means nothing. All the same, why the fuck are the players from the losing team smiling, laughing, and patting each other on the back? They just got fucking bent for seems like the 100th time in a row. Take some pride in the game and actually try, although you don’t care, some fans don’t want to see the AL win every fucking year.
Nelson Cruz stopping the game for a pic with Joey West: These are super out of order, but its 11:30, I’m pissed off, and I’m tired, so cut me some slack. Nelson Cruz needs to learn some fucking respect for the game. I keep saying this, and I truly do understand it’s a game nobody cares about, but still, this PR shit just to get your name back into the good graces of ESPN, even if it’s mostly their social media, is childish as fuck. It may be for no reason in particular, but I now fucking hate you.
Robinson Canó won MVP of this years big game, and in all honesty, it was probably deserved. It’s hard to hate him for this hilarious appearance on Jimmy Fallon, but if you know anything about me, if you fuck with the Cubs, I’m 100% coming for your throat (not literally, figuratively). This also confirmed every suspicion I had with Cubs players in ASG’s.
I’m sure I could think up more if I had the time, but for now, this is all the bitching I can deal with.