Fuck west coast games that start at like 10pm, I’m writing this at like 1AM. Everyone’s freaking out about Lonzo Ball’s first game as a Laker: 2/15 from the field, 1/11 from 3, 5 assists and 4 rebounds. It’s not the greatest debut stat line ever. In fact, it’s pretty fucking bad. But is this performance indicative of Lonzo Ball’s Laker career to come? Not a fucking chance. The kid is 19 YEARS OLD, he’s younger than me and making over $9 million/year, guaranteed. So no matter if he averages what he did last night in the actual regular season, he’s still winning at life more than any of us.
Was Lonzo’s performance last night comedically bad? Yes. Were Magic and Lavar’s reactions even funnier? You bet your ass they were.
Onto Lavar, which, for the record shouldn’t happen. I shouldn’t have to talk about what Lonzo’s Dad, yes, that’s what he is at the end of the day, said after the game and make a whole thing about it, but everyone else is so I guess I have to. I’m the biggest Lavar fanboy you’ll meet. How the fuck did Lonzo change the Lakers culture with a statline reminiscent of a fucking G-League call-up. I watched the whole game back (shoutout illegal full streams on YouTube), and while he only had three turnovers, there was only one play, the alley-oop on his first touch in the 1ST QUARTER, that really made me think, shit, maybe Magic isn’t a complete moron.
Defense Wins Championships…
Lonzo also put in an absolute shift on defense last night… oh wait, he got fucking melted, twice. If Lavar continues to make Lonzo wear the ZO2’s on the court, expect more than his ankles to be broken. I’m not referring to like a “ankle breaker” = falling over, with those low-top shoes, his legs < Derrick Rose’s NOW.
You don’t average 15, 6, and 8 per game and become an AP 1st Team All-American without a high ceiling. Everyone has down games, at least Lonzo is actually playing unlike those boys Joel Embiid and Ben Simmons, who played a combined 27 games last year, and that’s adding together both of their games. Something is better than nothing, or in the Sixers case, tweeting more than the amount of minutes you’ve played IN YOUR CAREER, even if it doesn’t completely live up to the ‘Showtime’ Lakers hype.
No matter if he becomes a flop or not, which he won’t, we’ll always be able to remember Lonzo by his ‘Free Smoke’ remix, certified fire.