Daily Blog #6: Golf Guys

Mt. Rushmore

Fuck all this “Power Rankings” noise,┬áMount Rushmore season is here (credit: Pardon My Take). Here’s my Mt. Rushmore of golf moments:

1. Happy Gilmore, 1996 Tour Championship/Gold Jacket

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All this boy Happy Gilmore’s tryna do is win his house back for his Momma and Shooter’s gone and fucked that up to. “Gold Jacket, Green Jacket, Who gives a shit?” Greatest putt of all time, fuck Shooter McGavin.

2. Larry Mize, 1987 Masters Playoff

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I know nothing about golf and I won’t pretend to. But I’m pretty sure Mize’s shot in ’87 was probably the best of all time. I also find it odd how much people know about Augusta National. Inch to the left, fucked. Down the hill. Inch to the right, fucked. In the water. Mize hit it dead on and had a 10/10 celly to go with it.

3. Bishop’s entire final round, Caddyshack, 1980

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For the most part, golf hardos piss me the fuck off. Bishop is not only a bro for playing in the pouring rain and lighting, but he also proved to be a true American hero in his sticking it to the man and playing his round when other country club old dudes told him not to.

4. Tiger Woods, 2005 Masters (to force playoff… which he won.)

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I was never really old enough to appreciate Tigers’ greatness. All I really know him for is his affair, receding hairline, and his epic DUI tape. But I wouldn’t wish that ball coming to rest on the lip of the cup and not going in on my worst enemy. Maybe the worst, most aggravating feeling in sports. But honestly, I wouldn’t know as I don’t think I’ve ever even gotten on the Green in a real round of golf.

Jordan Spieth

In current golf news, Jordan Spieth is fucking back. I’m an absolutely AWFUL golfer, like to the point where I miss the ball 90% of the time, but I can’t even begin to fathom the degree of difficulty behind holding out via a chip from the sand trap on 18.

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Even though I’m not a huge golf person, I still find it so cool to say I watched that fateful final round + playoff of the John Deere Classic in 2013. I couldn’t tell ya why I tuned in, it’s a tournament that really holds no significance whatsoever. To be honest I’d probably never watch it again. At that time, I’d probably never even touched a golf club, let alone watched a round of golf.
Shoutout to Pebble Beach way the fuck out there fucking up all my digs. Was going to rip JSpeith for not winning in over a year (392 days to be exact) but apparently he won in February. Wicked course name though, mad props to whatever old preppy asshole named it.
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Random side note, I also love the “GET IN THE HOLE!” guys (or any other random thing that gets shouted) that literally yell after every shot. It could be the beginning of a Par 5 at Augusta or a random hole in a round of mini golf, those guys are my favorite golf guys period. 1000% chance that there’s some boojee golf rule that says you can’t do that but I’m 20 years old and I don’t golf. Do you really think I give a fuck about little nuances/unspoken rules golfers have?
Until tomorrow.

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