Let me just start with this, if the Bulls draft Terrence Ferguson or Justin Jackson (which I could definitely see them doing) I swear I will put my head through a wall.
As the saying goes, “great minds think alike”… following that logic, I can only conclude that Gar Forman, Pax^2, and the additional band of dumbfucks they draft with will all concur on a dude who doesn’t fit any of the Bulls immediate needs: A. 3pt shooting that isn’t Nikola Mirotic’s streaky ass, B. A PG that isn’t Rajon Rondo’s old ass, and C. Inside, big man scoring that isn’t named Bobby Portis or Robin Lopez, who are god awful at anything other than rebounding. Either that, or a random (usually foreign) dude they immediately trade for other guys who don’t help advance the Bulls at all.
And now, nervously and through clenched teeth, I echo the words of the Joker, “And, here. We. Go.”.
Let me just start by saying I will forever love and respect Jimmy Butler. As much as people say we couldn’t/wouldn’t ever win a title with him (which is true), he still Chicago basketball fans a beacon of hope for the potential future, a budding star player to cheer for, and, arguably, the best player the franchise has had since Michael Jordan. No, Ben Gordon and that 3 year stretch where Derrick Rose was actually good/not injured don’t count. That having been said, fuck Gar Forman, fuck John Paxon, fuck Jim Paxon, fuck Jerry Reinsdorf and fuck Tom Thibodeau. I don’t hate trading Jimmy while his price is highest, but settling for Kris Dunn, a player best known for a flukey dribble move, Zach LeVine, a dude known for cool dunks and a torn ACL, and the 7th pick is ROBBERY.
Who the fuck did we just pick?
Believe it or not, I actually don’t hate the Lauri Markkenen pick. He’s basically a taller, foreign version of Georges Niang. The Bulls need pretty much everything as Rondo is hot garbage and DWade is hurt for 40% of the year. In Lauri, a 3 point sharpshooter and big man (7’0″, 230lbs) the Bulls kill two birds with one stone. Obviously he’d need to bulk up more to become a legitimate post/inside threat, but like most bulls fans, I’m slowly talking myself into the fact that this is a good pick. Lauri could be the start of something new and exciting, but that’s supposing Gar/Pax have a plan, which I’m almost 100% they don’t.
Though the order wasn’t 100%, everyone and their mother knew who was going top 5. I’m still in shock about how little that Bulls received in the Jimmy Butler trade but I do have some takeaways from the draft (at least from the 1st round as I’m writing this during the 2nd).
A. I’m convinced Duke and Kentucky are no longer colleges and have now become factories that churn out first round draft picks year in, year out.
B. The Trail Blazers front office is (maybe) dumber than the Bulls (front office). Zach Collins… really? I don’t care what any combine stat or scout says, if you can’t start in college, you don’t deserve to be a lottery pick.
C. Not a lot of foreign dudes… THANK GOD. I couldn’t tell ya a single thing about Frank Ntilikina or Anzejs Pasecniks. It seems like year in, year out, 95% of these overseas guys are either busts or they choose to stay in their home country for another 2-3 years. If you can’t tell, I’m still salty about Nikola Mirotic’s streaky ass staying in Spain for so long.
D. I’m starting to like Lavar Ball & Co. At some point, you’ve gotta respect the hustle. Since when did people give two shits about outrageous claims someone makes? In the words of Randy Marsh, “I’m sorry, I thought this was America!”. I know I do it all the time when I’m talking shit to an opponent in any sport not named lacrosse.
E. Stockpiling picks is now the norm. Joel Embiid, Jahlil Okafor, Ben Simmons, and now Markelle Fultz. The Sixers are going to be deep with young talent, but without any winning experience, does it really matter? Side note, I can’t wait to Lavar Ball’s reaction to when Benny Simmons posters his precious Lonzo.
F. Nothing new, I’d just like to reiterate the fact that Gar/Pax are fucking idiots. People can rationalize the trade as much as they want, but at the end of the day, it only works if the Bulls have a plan to rebuild, which I’m almost 100% sure they (the front office) don’t.
G. The NBA draft hats just keep getting worse and worse. Who the fuck designed those? No, seriously. 2000 D12 Eminem? The short brim, the sparkly, almost snake skin-looking material… it looks like something you’d wear in the hood in the late ’90s, early 2000’s.
H. The Mavs received a cucking of the highest order from Phil and the Knicks. Vincent Collet, the former coach of Frank Ntilikina, is now useless. Don’t even start about how he’s a good coach or how he’s had great success abroad. Fuck that noise, the only reason they hired him was so he could coach Frank in the Summer League.